Memories of My Father--from India to Chicago

My father died Dec. 10, the Feast of Our Lady of Loreto. I was hearing Mass, offering it for him, at the time of his passing. The Gospel reading from Matthew was so perfect: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." I have prayed and cried many tears for him to receive all the graces necessary to repent and choose our Lord. For I truly desire to meet my father in heaven and know him in his perfection. God-willing. 

On my way home I sang Mendelssohn's O Rest in the Lord (this is a most beautiful recording) and upon arrival home immediately sought out my copy to play on the piano. It brought me such peace to know that I can rest in the Lord and be at peace and continue to pray for the repose of his soul, trusting in God's unfathomable mercy and perfect justice.

O rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him,

And He shall give thee thy heart's desires.

Commit thy way unto Him, and trust in Him,

And fret not thyself because of evil doers.

O rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him.

Wait patiently for Him. 

It being the Feast of Our Lady of Loreto, whose little house in Nazareth was transported to Italy by Angels, I couldn't help but think of Bouguereau's Soul Brought to Heaven and the last movement of the Requiem Mass: in Paradisum. May the angels lead him to paradise... Music, music--what a balm it is to my soul.
 

I don't have a lot of pictures of us together because we were apart most of our lives. But I am grateful for what he has done--bringing me to baptism in our Lord, bringing our family to the US, and introducing me to folk-dance. He witnessed my marriage and I'm glad he got to meet my children a few times while they were growing up.

These are some of the oldest pictures I have of my father. He's here with his first-born. While I was visiting he spoke about him, how he was a great little man. He died shortly before his fifth birthday so I never got to meet him. But my mom always told stories about him, so I feel very close to him. The family picture was taken after the funeral of my maternal grandfather. My mom is carrying her second son...

This family photo was taken when my father returned from Germany. I have no memory of this, but my sister remembers being sad because she wanted to stand next to my mom. I was clueless. Only my brother was excited!

At my sister's place in Nebraska--her kids are all grown up now. And the day before my wedding at my in-law's place. I've always loved that I look both like my mom and dad and also my stepmother :) 

We lived in Belgium for a couple of years right after we got married. Michael worked for a Belgian machine tool company and I was at the Max Planck Institute in Cologne. My parents came to visit and we had a wonderful couple of weeks together sightseeing. My dad had done a Masters in Germany and has always loved all things German. He was so proud of me for doing my post-doctoral studies at the MPIZ. He was recounting my accomplishments when I came to visit. But the best thing I've ever done is to stay at home with my children--and my biggest achievement was getting them to take a nap at the same time!

We

We made a trip to Chicago to celebrate my dad's birthday (July 4th) with the kids and I just love this picture of Dagny with her stuffed cats. We had a great time swimming in the pool, taking walks, lighting fireworks, and opening presents. 

The summer before we moved to SC, my parents visited us in WA. It would be the last visit they could manage. Since then, we've made a couple of trips to Chicago.  

This is the last picture I have of my father, when my sister and her husband went to visit. Please pray for the repose of the soul of my father, and for his dear, devoted wife, who loved him best. They had 45 happy years together, but now she will face the future without him. However, in marrying my father, she gained a family. I look forward to the time when she can visit us in SC. Today is Gaudete Sunday: Rejoice in the Lord always!

Chicago...Farewell to My Father

This is the way I first remembered my father and what a long and storied life he's had. He's written his memoirs and I've been privileged to read some early drafts. I visited two years ago to celebrate his 95th birthday but this time, it was time to say goodbye--God be with ye; auf weidersehen--till we see each other again. In heaven, God-willing. We lamented the distance between us--the consequence of transportation (his area of expertise) and laughed about it.

Just a month ago, my stepmother Lena had taken him to physical therapy. It was the last time he walked. He's completely disabled now and the doctors found inoperable cancer in several places, so he's on hospice care at home.

The cats helped me pack :) It was so sad to see him in this state, but especially because he lives in constant pain. Losing autonomy is hard for a man like him who has always been in control of things. It's very humbling. But he's been given a lot of grace to accept things as they are. He is very blessed to have a loving and devoted wife, as well as a caregiver who is truly affectionate and compassionate. They also have a good network of neighbors and friends they can lean on. We had a special evening with live music--one of their neighbors sang beautiful ragas (Indian classical music). My father forgot his pain--his face relaxed. Music is so healing.     

  

I was grateful to have this time together with him and Lena. When my father dozed, Lena and I would chat. One of the most delightful things I discovered was the high-chair that belonged to her as a child. I also found how much Lena loves art--she had pencil and paint sets and beautiful books on Monet, Indian art, and Japanese brush paintings for me to look through. It was good to have this creative outlet, esp. since I'm new to this. At night, I would pray, read, and write. And I was most grateful to have the opportunity to pray the Holy Rosary and Divine Mercy by my father's bedside while he slept in one morning. Such peace! I came across a quote from Elder Ephraim: Be rest assured that as long as God allows you to live it is a guarantee from Him that He is waiting for you (to repent).  May the angels bring him to heaven when he takes his last breath. Please pray for him.

Chicago

It's been a month since I've returned home from Chicago. I was supposed to spend a week with my parents to celebrate my father's 95th birthday, but my flight was canceled twice. TWICE! Unbelievable. However, everything worked out even better than I expected. I had a chance to finish making a little gift for my father. I felt as if the Lord arranged all the details according to His plan for this entire trip. Max was flying in to visit some friends so he spent some time with my parents too. We'd made our plans completely independently. The last time my parents saw my kids was when we were moving to SC, twelve years ago. Max was twelve :) Btw, I find it quite delightful how much I look like Lena--my stepmother. We share many interests as well. My father is writing his memoirs and what a treasure they will be. It's odd how often I've gotten to know a person better after their death. But it is not yet my father's time to return to his Creator.  

What joy to have grown kids. I felt like a maharani being taken downtown to St. John Cantius for Sunday Mass! It was pouring buckts--a deluge--but I had to take this picture of the chalked angels on the stairs. They have a room full of relics of many saints, some are dear friends of mine! I was quite overwhelmed with all the treasures and beauty of the church--the side Altars, Stations, stained glass windows, the reverent liturgy, beautiful singing. 

Afterwards, we went out to eat at Tabu and it was lovely to dry off a bit, enjoy good food and company. They had some great art on their walls.  

The art museum had a special van Gogh+friends exhibit and it was perfect given that we wouldn't be walking in the deluge (the Nascar race had to be cancelled). We wandered through the various rooms, leaving the miniature rooms for last. What fun! I would've added little people and animals, a cat on every bed :) I wanted to disappear into several of them. Happy sigh! 

The portrait of a man with a laurel wreath is from 2nd century Egypt. I was so surprised to see that the face has roundedness. Most art from that period has a certain flatness to it. There was also a mummy circa 700 BC, which sparked discussion about time travel and waking up in Chicago. Lots of story ideas as we wandered about. However, it was time to head home. The roads were flooded--Max navigated the streets beautifully. As I said, it's a great blessing having adult kids who take care of you. 

I had a chance to visit with the family Max was staying with--they have 7 or 8 kids and had cousins and friends visiting as well, so a full house. Beautiful family. We had a good time fixing a traditional Indian meal; there were many sous chefs. Max made a chicken tikka masala and I made ratatouille. We had a garden salad, mangoes, rice and naan. But before we sat down to eat, a priest friend offered Mass in their private chapel--it was so wonderful, especially since it was on the Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle, the Apostle who came to India.

It just so happened that Lena had checked out Abraham Verghese's newest novel: The Covenant of Water, which is set in the St. Thomas Christian community in South India. I read as much as I could at night. Can't wait to have my own copy when it's in paperback. He's one of my favorite authors.

 

It was a lovely trip to Chicago, to spend time with my parents, and made better because I got to spend some time with Max and his friends too. I am so grateful Christ is the center of their lives. I leave you with the serene photos of the swans and their babies, this field of flowers.