Journey of Shunya Means Zero

I just received my author copies of Shunya Means Zero, a book that's had a very long gestation...23 years!!! Sometimes, when you flip an idea on its head, it falls into place.

I've always been fascinated with numbers and patterns and so it was natural to write about the history of our numerical system. Magazine writing has trained me to have a tight focus so I decided to stick to the history of zero, which was invented in India, and followed it with an introduction to the history and culture of India using the tried and true method of counting. Zero violence. One Taj Mahal. Two Language Families. Etc.

 
I started submitting to publishers in 2003 and after about a dozen submissions over three years with only a few personal rejection letters encouraging me, I shelved it. I was busy writing other books and teaching. In 2017, I revisited Shunya (see Vijaya Bodach: Journey of Little Thief! Chota Chor! ) and flipped it--first the counting, then the history of zero and it was accepted right away by Reycraft. My editor, Sunita Apte, helped me make the text even tighter and I was so delighted that Nayantara Surendranath was again paired with me to do the illustrations. But it was a long wait...but God's timing is always perfect. And worth the wait. 

I wrote this for my children, but it is their children who will be the beneficiaries of this book. I was able to dedicate it to my grandbabies. Just five days after Dagny's baby boy was born, my editor sent me the final art (I'd seen some sketches before but seeing the art in full color took my breath away) and we went through another round of tweaking the text. I had the baby's initials for the dedication. Yay! I wrote to Max and Laura, asking whether they had decided on a name for their baby girl. I promised I'd keep it secret and only my editor would know, lol. But they hadn't decided. So I went with babyB. 

I got an email with the final proofs the day Max and Laura's sweet baby girl was born. We still didn't know the name until the evening, but once they decided, I shot back an email to my editor for the final dedication. Whew!!! 

More importantly, although I'm proud to be American, I have not forgotten my roots, the place that began shaping me into the person I am today. I have wanted so much to share it with my children, but by the time they were old enough that they'd remember a trip to India, my health was declining, and travelling was (still is) too hard on me. Max and I had the opportunity to go to Kolkata and work with the Sisters of Charity in 2020, but the lockdowns meant no travelers were being issued visas. It was a huge disappointment. I pray that we'll all be able to take a family trip to India with the children and grandchildren...but in the meantime, they'll have this book. It is so much more meaningful now than when I first penned it. I can't wait to share it with not just my grandbabies, but with school children everywhere. Here's Grandpa practicing for reading to the grandbabies :)     

Our Amazing Brain

The words of the year were Heal, Restore, Renew. And what a journey it has been. It began with an online retreat with Fr. Shawn Monahan during Advent: The Path to Healing Our Broken Hearts - Oblates of the Virgin Mary. I wrote about it here: Vijaya Bodach: On Healing where I also reviewed key concepts in Be Healed: A Guide to Encountering the Powerful Love of Jesus in Your Life by Bob Schuchts. Truly, I am learning to become the person God created me to be.

We are body-mind-spirit and too often I have neglected the mental/emotional aspects. I began with the physical, then the spiritual, and over the years paying more attention to my mental health. 

The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain by John Sarno really helped me to accept that my emotions could have caused the chronic migraines. The migraines became horrible during our conversion. Our pastor believed that it was a spiritual attack and I'm sure it was. Every time I've made a quantum leap in my spiritual journey, it's been preceded by horrible migraines. But there's another aspect that I totally ignored--my feelings. Going from a devil-may-care attitude to recognizing the evil within myself hurt deeply. It is a very good thing that the Holy Spirit does not reveal all our sins at once--we would die from the horror of it all. 

Some people might believe that Dr. Sarno is blaming the victim--it's absolutely not that. He writes, "It is important to avoid the pejorative conclusion that because emotions are implicated in etiology, patients are making themselves sick. This is no more logical than feeling guilty for "letting" bacteria into the body. People with psychogenic illness are not deliberately making themselves sick or pretending to be unwell. What we are seeing is the interplay of complicated processes, both physiological and psychological, outside the conscious awareness and control." See a summary of how repressed emotions contribute to chronic pain: Seven key lessons from “Healing Back Pain” by Dr. John Sarno. Of course, he encourages people to rule out physical issues but warns how Western medicine promotes a structural/physical basis of pain and then pills/surgery as the cure. Even functional medicine doctors promote this attitude looking for the root cause, which is well and good, but do not delve into the psyche of the person.

I remember that the first book I read about pain being caused in the brain itself was Back in Control: A Surgeon's Roadmap out of Chronic Pain by David Hanscom. I wrote a lengthy review here: Vijaya Bodach: Chronic Migraines and Healing: Part I -- Back in Control. I have to return to those principles again and again. I recognize how writing and other creative pursuits saved my life. Deo gratias! See: Back in Control Roadmap - Back in Control

The Brain's Way of Healing: Remarkable Discoveries and Recoveries from the Frontiers of Neuroplasticity by Norman Doidge was such a joy to read. Each chapter delves into a natural modality of healing, from doing the mental work to exercising mindfully to light therapy and my favorite: the special connection we have with music, what happens in the brain. The stories of people who've suffered from various neurological problems, who were given no hope by traditional Western medicine, but who experimented with other methods and found healing are so inspiring. If you have to read one book on our amazing brain, make it this one! 

The deeper I dive into studying the brain, the more I'm in awe of how beautifully we are designed. Caroline Leaf reminds us of this in her book Switch on Your Brain: the Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health. Our thoughts can actually change the structure of our brains. I really liked that she ties together Biblical principles with science (though some of her science could use more precision).

I'm trying not to make an idol out of my health but I am grateful for the better health I'm enjoying and for the countless blessings God has showered upon me. Peace is the Storm: Meditations on Chronic Pain and Illness by Maureen Pratt reminds me to be more accepting of how things are. Not perfect! 

On Healing

I've been on a quest for healing for many years now. I started working with a functional medicine doctor who's helping me detox and it has helped greatly. But we are body-mind-spirit, so I'm also working on my spiritual life. Began a wonderful online retreat offered here: Watch the Path to Healing Our Broken Hearts - Oblates of the Virgin Mary  I'd been waiting to watch and listen to these videos for six months. Got on a wait-list and finally, finally, the email with the links came, during Advent. I thought, no way--NOW? When I'm busy with Christmas concerts and last-minute wedding preparations? The thought of adding something more to my plate was daunting. But after a week, I couldn't resist and took a peek. It was so good. I realized everything always happens at the right time. So I watched in the pockets of free time. They are short and so rich. I cried a lot--they are healing tears. Given that we are ALL wounded in some way, I'm sharing the links to the workshop. You will resist, just like I did, but when you're ready...open it up. It's free. With Lent just around the corner, it just may be the perfect time for you. 

And that is how I discovered Bob Schuchts' books on healing. He's the founder of the John Paul II Healing Center – Transformation in the Heart of the Church I just finished BE HEALED today. Take a look at how the seven deadly sins and our wounds make us believe lies about ourselves, cause us to sin, and remain shackled, but the Divine Physician is ready to heal and we can know we are being healed when the lies are replaced by the truth--that we are beloved. I'd done the smaller retreat book earlier and I loved how easily it was to enter into the Gospel stories of healing. I feel as if I'm being healed from the inside out. I know I have more work to do but I am so grateful to invite Jesus into the difficult moments of my life and experience His Love for me. Although I will have to wait to get to heaven to experience His arms wrapped about me, He's present here in the Eucharist and He can look at me, and I Him. Deo gratias!  

Sing! Sing! Sing!

Choir practices have started up at Stella Maris and Sacred Heart and what a joy it is to sing the Mass!!! How perfect to begin this on the birthday of our dear Mother Mary! Oddly, the more I have on my plate to practice, the more I'm writing as well. Don't ask me how or why, but I'm so rejuvenated. Praise God! 

The picture is from the Mass of Dedication of St. Clare of Assisi Catholic Church last year. It was such an honor to be invited to sing with their choir and alongside the professionals. Some of my favorite people are in the picture so what a delight to receive it from the music director at St. Clare. She's recruiting! I've been happy with my own recruiting efforts for our two church choirs and barbershop chorus!

A lot of people don't think they can't sing Gregorian chant, so here's a crash course in a little over half hour from Floriani/Gregorian Chant Academy. 

Singing, like writing, or any other creative pursuit, is so good for our mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. See: Choir singing improves health, happiness – and is the perfect icebreaker | University of Oxford   I can personally attest to its healing power--my migraines are much diminished when I sing or write. So I wish upon you much creative work, good health, and abundant blessings.  

Writing with Migraines

I'm so pleased to share some thoughts with you on my friend Carolyn's substack: Writing with Migraines - by Carolyn B Fraiser (substack.com) or her WordPress Acct. Writing with Migraines – CAROLYN BENNETT FRAISER (carolynbfraiser.com). I think it may be a beginning of a book :)

The Texas trip was hard on my head...but I'm recovering. Reading, writing, making music, and beach time are all part of my therapy. 

Jumpstart on Writing

Many of you know what a difficult time I've had after my shoulder surgery. Although I couldn't do much for the first two months, I was healing, though I couldn't tell at the time (too much pain). Physical therapy is when I started feeling it. Every week, a milestone! Music is what sustained me during those days, both listening and singing. Pain really and truly recedes when you are focused on something else. But I missed writing. And with limited energy/strength I wanted to save it for writing Christmas cards and letters to as many people as I could think of because how difficult the lockdowns have been for so many. After the kids left for school, I thought it's time to get back to my own creative writing projects. 

Surprise! 

I was rusty and hated everything I wrote. I was more interested in cleaning house and tidying up because it was like PT--I could see results! And all the books I read only made me feel inadequate. Why bother writing? But I was missing it and getting crankier by the day. But luckily, I remembered Julianna Baggott had some things on creativity so I signed up for her 6 week course: Jumpstart. And also Efficient Creativity. 

Wow! 

What a difference it is to take a structured course, remembering why I am so desperate to write. She begins at the beginning--memories. This is the best $10 I've spent this year, the best thing I've done for my writing life in a long while. I don't usually suffer from writer's block but I knew something broke with that surgery.  

Julianna is amazing. I'd already read a few of her books. Why does she not have a book on process? I hope someday she writes one because she's a fantastic teacher. Her advice on musing/day-dreaming is gold. She also asks good questions and makes demands and as I was writing about my own process, I realized what a blessing the migraines have been. So yes, they prevented me from doing many things, but they afforded me that all-important time for daydreaming. Maybe this is why, when I could write, I was in a good place. I'd already done a lot of pre-writing imagining. 

Anyway, if Christmas holidays and lockdowns and kids at home all day have put a dent in your writing, I highly recommend you take Jumpstart and/or Efficient Creativity. You can do them at your own pace even though Julianna has them both structured for 6 weeks. Please do share in the comments what you do when you've gotten out of the writing habit, if you ever have had trouble writing. 

The Christmas cycle ended with Candlemas. We had a beautiful High Mass at Sacred Heart (Part 1 and Part 2) and it's already the season of Septuagesima--a three week preparation for Lent, which will arrive Feb. 17th. I love the traditional calendar for this period. Book group has started for Michael and they're reading Theology and Sanity by Frank Sheed. I'm reading these other books. Capturing Music: the Story of Notation by Thomas Forrest Kelly is gorgeous. I might even begin to understand some of the markings on that last page that we sang for Candlemas :)

 

Blessings!

Today is the Feast of Sts. Simon and Jude and what fondness I feel for St. Jude since it was the church named in his honor that we were received in and how fitting--he's a patron of impossible causes, but all is possible through Christ Jesus! All the Apostles were martyred except for John and it fills me with awe--Christians everywhere, especially in the Middle East, Asia, and Africa are being martyred every day. I wonder if we in the West could be as brave.

I've not been well but even that's been a blessing because there's been more time to spend contemplating God. We celebrated the Feast of Christ the King yesterday and it fills me with so much joy just knowing He is King of all and to surrender my life into His care. 

For Respect Life month, the pastor of St. Clare of Assisi invited me to sell BOUND after Mass. It was so lovely to be able to tell parishioners why I wrote the book. I'm praying it will spark many discussions about choosing life when it's hard. Fr. West had two posters showing the latest progress on the building itself. I was bowled over by the beautiful stained glass windows we'll be getting and also the High Altar! Check out this short video about it. It's going to be such a beautiful house of God!  

We picked that shiny eggplant and I made a ratatouille. And wonder of wonders, there are four more baby eggplants! Good thing we'll be having a potluck supper after the Requiem Mass. Doesn't Michael look like a proud papa?!

Finally, an unexpected gift from Pearl Meaker. She composed the layout with the photograph, Hebrew writing, and calligraphy of a hymn verse. I have her permission to share it. May it bless you too! 

Reading, Writing, Singing

How I wish blog posts would magically write themselves--I've been silent not because I have nothing to say but rather too much. I've been reading some marvelous books and find it fascinating how one book is leading me to another and allowing me to daydream a book of my own. It all started with Vikram Seth's AN EQUAL MUSIC. What can I say about this marvelous book? If you love music--you must read this love story. It is so textured, even the pieces I've not heard, I could imagine. Seth's writing is so evocative, so rich, it makes me cry with longing.


TROUBLE AT THE SCRIPTORIUM by Anne E. Johnson is medieval mystery about a chant book that has a page full of mistakes. Why? Are the monks just being lazy? Did they run out of gold leaf? Is it a message? Read and find out how a young boy, Harley, with help from friends figures out what this is all about and in time to have a great feast! A gem! I've known about this book for several years and meant to pick it up for my kids while they were still in elementary school but somehow it slipped my radar but I remembered the title and was so happy to see it's still in print. It's beautifully made with interior art and it came with a postcard from the publisher: Royal Fireworks Press. Check them out for even more gems. They cater to the homeschool market, their philosophy: We believe that education should be joyous, filled with fun, humor, and art... I couldn't agree more.

I'm reading another book, THE BEAUTIFUL MYSTERY, by Louise Penny, that's set in a remote monastery. One of the monks has been contemplating more than God...this time, the choirmaster's been murdered. Next on my list is HIDDEN VOICES: the orphan musicians of Venice by Pat Lowery Collins. I can't wait to dive into the world of Vivaldi and his orphan students. Edited to add this link for Vivaldi's Gloria recorded in the Pieta itself by an all-female choir and orchestra.

I'm singing lots. Hardly a day goes by when I'm not singing a psalm or a Mass. Gregorian chant truly is healing, "a beautiful mystery." Next week is Laetare Sunday and we will sing the Short Mass in Honor of St. John the Baptist by Rene Quignard. The Agnus Dei is my favorite movement.  

I'm not writing a lot but spending a lot of time daydreaming in the manner Robert Olen Butler recommends in his excellent writing book: From Where You Dream. I agree with so much he has to say on the nature of fiction and writing and reading. I wish every English teacher would take heed so that once critical analysis is over, the student again begins to read for pleasure.  

Chronic Conditions and Healing: Part II -- An Integrative Approach

In Part I, I discussed Dr. David Hanscom's methods for dealing with chronic pain as outlined in Back in Control. Today I want to discuss the two other books I found very useful in thinking about the physical aspects and how a good doctor is a sleuth, leaving no stone unturned, listening to clues to aid him in helping him diagnose the underlying causes and treating them. What I found most interesting is that all three physicians said that they never learned pain management for patients while in medical school. The approaches they were taught were highly reductive and akin to putting on a Band-Aid, without looking for the root cause. All three are interested in practicing good medicine by looking for the truth. And for them, the first step is listening and taking a detailed patient history. 


Total Recovery: Solving the Mystery of Chronic Pain and Depression. How We Get Sick, Why We Stay Sick, How We Can Recover by Dr. Gary Kaplan, D.O. with Donna Beech reads like a good detective novel. He covers many interesting cases and they build in complexity. Here are some of his discoveries.

1. All assaults on the body, mental and physical, are cumulative. Surprisingly, the same areas light up in the brain whether the patient is hurting physically or emotionally.

2. The single point of origin are microglia. Glial cells are helper cells in the brain. We are so used to only thinking about nerve cells, we forget that they have to be tended to, and that's what the glial cells do. They protect the brain from injuries and trauma. They are part of the healing process. But if inflammation is sustained, they can become permanently up-regulated, releasing inflammatory agents of their own. Since we don't know how to down-regulate them, it's important to reduce all the factors contributing to inflammation.  

An example he gave was of a woman with multiple sclerosis. She had sustained several setbacks and was experiencing all the symptoms but the MS itself was triggered by untreated Lyme (a tick-borne disease). As each layer was uncovered, she gained partial health. But it's only when the Lyme was treated with an antibiotic course of a month that she finally regained motor control again.

3. There are many connections between food, infections, and childhood traumas that have a bearing on your health now. Examine the things that don't feel right in your life. 

You don't have to put up with aches and pains and mental fog. He suggests: get good sleep, have all infections treated, make sure your gut is in good condition (it is our second brain), that you're not consuming foods that are making you ill, address physical injuries, even minor ones, if you think you've never been the same since, and get help for lingering psychological trauma. If you've truly recovered, you will find yourself feeling strong and resilient. If not, you are still in a wounded state and vulnerable to future assaults. Even talking with a good friend can bring healing, as can praying together, walking together, massage. And last, check how many medications you are taking. His guidelines, "A drug has to work better than the side effects it creates. If it doesn't, get rid of it."


Healing is Possible: New Hope for Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Persistent Pain, and other Chronic Illnesses by Neil Nathan, M.D. is one of the most detailed books I've read on integrative medicine. Dr. Nathan delineates the six most common culprits, followed by another six less common but frequent imbalances, and discusses new approaches to the relief of pain, as well as alternative approaches to cancer, autoimmune diseases, and autism (it is becoming a growing epidemic). What I liked best about this book is how he explains what to ask our own physicians when we finally make the visit. Educating yourself is key. Oh, and there are lots of medical stories, success stories!

The Big Six that lead to fatigue, exhaustion, tiredness, more fatigue, brain fog, joint pains, more fatigue.

Adrenal deficiency--your adrenal glands make DHEA and other hormones. DHEA is the precursor to estrogen and testosterone. I'd never even heard of a DHEA deficiency but Dr. Nathan notes that 90% of his patients are deficient and if he had to perform only a single test, this is the one. It's easy and if you are low (for your age), you can supplement it. You can buy it at a health food store! Um, please don't be taking this without being tested. It *is* a hormone and hormones need to be just right. Think Goldilocks. 

Magnesium deficiency--we need it for our nerves and muscles to function. Measurement should be inside cells (scrape off some cells from your cheek and send to the lab). You can take oral supplements but they aren't absorbed as well. If you are deficient, the best treatment is an IV cocktail of Mg, Ca, Vit. C, Vit. B12. By the way, taking a bath with Epsom salts is very beneficial. Your skin will absorb the magnesium. St. Thomas Aquinas really did have excellent advice! 

Thyroid imbalances and Iodine deficiency--this is involved in regulation of all your metabolism so if you're deficient, you will need a supplement. It's important to make sure your body can actually convert the T4 to T3.

Sex hormone imbalances--I don't think I need to say much here. Both men and women are affected. Think Goldilocks. Hormones need to be just right.

Food allergies--this is a biggie and can be hard to pin down if it's not an immediate reaction (can be life-threatening). But a delayed reaction to food items can be judged if you keep a food diary. The correlations must be 100% otherwise you'll end up thinking you're sensitive to everything.

Intestinal dysbiosis--this refers to our gut health. Many people have pathogenic bacteria and yeast in their gut. They need to go (you will need antibiotics for this). Take probiotics, eat fermented foods. Populate your gut with good bugs (Lactobacilli, Bifidobacteria, etc.).

The Little Six are related to blood sugar imbalances, insulin resistance, heavy metal toxicity (if you have silver fillings, the mercury in them might be leaching out and making you sick), mold spore, chronic infections, amino-acid or neurotransmitter imbalances. All these are treatable. For example, if you're low in serotonin, you're going to be depressed, irritable, and anxious. So you can eat foods that have the precursor to it or take a drug that increases the lifetime of the serotonin in your brain.   


I know this is a lot of information in a short space, but I will add one more thing: the spiritual element. In the Catholic church we have the Sacrament of Healing. I have received 50% healing each time (better than the placebo effect, which hovers around 30% and I often don't even receive that with some of the medications I've tried). I do not know why I'm never healed completely, and it's something I take up with God on a routine basis. The way this works is that after making a good confession (usually a week or month prior), the priest anoints you with Holy oils and prays over you. You don't have to be Catholic to receive this. These are minor exorcisms. Never underestimate the power that sin has over you but when the priest absolves you, Christ's Precious Blood is being poured upon you, cleansing you. Your sins are forgiven, your soul is pure again. And you can begin healing. 

I pray for all who are sick, suffering, and dying every single day. I pray you will be well and take joy. "For I know I have the plans for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jer 29:11.

Chronic Migraines and Healing: Part I -- Back in Control

As many of you know, I've spent a good decade of my life wracked with migraines. I've been to family doctors, neurologists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, but I've not had long-term relief. I still remember being pain-free for 17 days in a row and how exciting that was, like getting a new lease on life. Over the years, I've learned a lot about pain physiology, but until now, I never connected all the dots--our bodies, minds, and souls are inextricably linked while we are alive--and what happens in one realm affects the other.

When I was coming home from the Carolinas SCBWI conference, I rode home with Rebecca Ivester, and she mentioned a book, Back in Control, written by Dr. David Hanscom, a spine doctor. It took a while to get a copy from the library but well worth the wait. From the beginning, his sound advice resonated. This doctor almost put himself out of business. He still performs surgeries for patients who truly need it but for those suffering from chronic pain, he has other tools. You can start right away by visiting his website: http://www.backincontrol.com/ 

First, understand that pain is a good thing--it protects us from damaging our bodies. You're probably not aware that you're shifting continuously as you sit in your chair to prevent one spot from getting too sore. Pain is a survival mechanism. But chronic pain is a mechanism that's gone awry. In the beginning, the injury that causes pain is helpful in healing. But after some time, when the injury itself is healed, the pain signal can still be generated...in the brain. The pathway is cemented. Think of amputees who experience pain in a limb that's no longer there. Chronic pain, then, is an overreaction to sensory stimuli in the brain and it only gets worse with time. It's caused by both physical and emotional factors and the best way is to treat all underlying causes simultaneously.

Emotions First:

Here's a progression of negative emotions. We go from being alert > nervous > anxious > afraid > paranoid > terrorized. And as the good doctor learned in medical school: neurons that fire together, wire together. In my case, I've gotten increasingly anxious about getting a migraine that I avoid even pleasant things such as movies, concerts, and vacations. It's easier to stay at home in an environment I can control. Loud noises, flashing lights, hormonal changes, a drop in barometric pressure, all trigger a migraine. 

So what to do? Unlearn the pain. When Dr. Hanscom sees patients, the first prescription he gives is writing. He calls it expressive writing. I call it free writing, but it's one and the same. It's a place to literally write away the pain. I can attest to the power of free-writing, especially the Morning Pages that Julia Cameron preaches. I simply feel better, am more focused, and productive when I write. Even my family knows that after three days of not writing, I can turn into a terrible crab. Better to take 15-20 minutes each day to write instead. Hanscom recommends two sessions each day. The second prescription is meditation. And this is not about emptying the mind but being mindful, paying attention--feeling the breeze upon your face, a cat's soft fur, the rumbling purr, the taste of food. Really being present. The third prescription is getting good sleep because it's enormously healing. So you see, you can begin right away! And aren't they the BEST prescriptions ever?

The second stage is forgiving others who've wronged you,  forgiving yourself for the wrongs you've perpetrated, asking for forgiveness, and really letting go of the bitterness in your life. 

Another prescription is to spend more time playing and practicing what you enjoy. Just as pain is learned (rapid fire by the brain), so are skills like playing a sport or instrument, albeit at a much slower pace. So strengthen those *play* pathways. For me, this means spending some time every day playing the piano, really focusing on learning the songs, and singing. And I am so pleased to see this strategy working. I've been able to reduce the pounding in my head by singing a Byrd Mass. Perhaps because I'm praying simultaneously. Lol. In any case, I'm writing and playing more. Also practicing coloring and calligraphy. See these pretty psalm cards? I mail these out as well.   

Dr. Hanscom encourages you to move forward and create a vision for your life. Address family issues. Get organized. Keep up with the daily practice. Connect with the life you want--step into it with or without your pain. Expand your consciousness. Embark on your inward journey. Go on a spiritual journey. Finally, give back.

He cautions against positive thinking that isn't true (because it masks reality) or mind over matter mentality. You cannot be free of pain by sheer determination. Don't I know this! I have to remember that I didn't become chronically ill in a day (the migraines started five years prior and were sporadic before they became chronic), and neither will I be free from them in just a day. Unfortunately, the pain pathways are permanent, so they can be triggered. He says, "You will fail." So learn to fail well. Keep up with the daily practices and trust that your brain is changing. 

I loved what he said toward the end: Be CREATIVE, not REACTIVE (they're anagrams). We creatives have all the necessary tools to bring emotional and mental healing to our bodies through our art. Next time, I'll discuss physical aspects because no amount of writing will rectify a magnesium deficiency or food allergy. And let's not forget the advice from the Angelic Doctor. Part II, An Integrative Approach next.

On Migraines, Death and Dying

A few years ago, when the migraines were really, really horrible, and I knew that the risk of dying from an aneurysm very high, I sent a polished copy of BOUND to Nancy Butts. She knew the story and more importantly, had also published a little book for a writer's revival: Spontaneous Combustion. Don't you just love the title? I told her that if I died, to please publish BOUND and send the bill to Michael. I figured he'd have many other things to arrange, like my funeral. I still haven't made an appointment with our pastor about it but Michael knows I want a simple Gregorian chant High Mass. 

Yesterday after Mass, I met the widow of a man I've been praying for a couple of years. He was a friend of a friend and although I cannot do many things, I can always pray. It struck me to the core, learning of his death, just a couple of months ago. The family is doing okay. They are so brave. But it warmed my heart to know that he wrote two memoirs, one about growing up, and another of raising their son. What a treasure his words must be for this beautiful family. 

I write this so that if you have a project of your heart that you've been sitting on for months or years (as it was in my case) that you evaluate it. If it's good enough, share it. Do not let perfection be the enemy of the good. We are not guaranteed the next day, even our next breath. Carpe diem. 

I have so much peace knowing that BOUND is out in the world. If I were to die tomorrow (I'm still at a very high risk for aneurysm), I know I've done my best to bring Rebecca and Joy to you. And I am sure I will hear the words: "well done, good and faithful servant." I did the work; the rest is in God's Hands. 



I know how to write. I know how to publish. I still need to learn how to market. I'm taking baby steps. My health is better these days without the monthly cycle (yay manypaws :) I've weaned off the preventative medicines (low dose beta blocker and antidepressant) that I've been taking for more than three years. Pain is easier to manage and when it spirals out of control, I let go of the day's plans and crawl into bed. Having the pets nearby helps. I take a daily supplement that helps with maintaining good brain health (it's got all the vitamins and herbal additives that have shown to help reduce migraines. I've tried several supplements over the years and Migraine Max has given the best results but what a terrible name--they should've called it Migraine Min.)

ETA: A couple of links for pain relief that don't involve taking medicines with all their side effects. I discovered Biofreeze at the chiropractor's last year. The massage therapist would use it on my neck and shoulders. I rub it into my scalp and even my forehead--but you have to be careful not to get any into the eyes. Menthol burns. I bought the biggest bottle I could find and now my whole family uses it for any aches and pains. The other menthol based product is Therapain. It's a spray and it cools the head instantly to reduce the pain. I've also used it on my knees. And I always have a Migrastick in my purse and choir bag. Never leave home without it. Of course, you can always use an old-fashioned ice pack or a bag of frozen peas :)