Totally Quacked

Today a package arrived in the mail ... with Uncle John's Totally Quacked Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!!! I am a proud contributor. One of my pieces is mentioned on the back cover. Can you guess?

I barely had time to snap these pictures before my daughter nabbed a copy. We are definitely a Bathroom Reader family ... Of all my book and magazine work, this is the one they can crow about to their friends.

I'm so happy to be writing for them again. I got sloppy about following up with editors when my health took a nosedive. But I'm getting better and was doing some paperwork (yes, writers must spend some time going over submissions, payments, comp. copies, etc.) I realized that I didn't even know which Bathroom Reader my pieces were published in. I contacted them and they informed me that my editor had left the company, but if I'd still be interested in working with someone else. Of course! So I'm back in the game. This book was published in Sep. 2014 but it's never too late to celebrate! And in honor of that, I think I shall spend some time on my throne. You all do the same :)

On Being a Vegetarian and World History

My daughter, who occasionally goes through phases where she says she's a vegetarian got this tee-shirt for her dad's birthday. Of course, all he has to do is cook some steak or ribs ... and the phase is over.

Every time Michael wears this shirt, I am reminded of this hilarious essay. I do not know who the author is, but if you know, please let me know in the comments:



For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller.They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

A Conservative will simply laugh.

And there you have it, History 101.

On Critiquing

This is much too funny not to share ... http://pages.towson.edu/lieb/bestchristmascard.html

I was cracking up at the animal rights, fat Santa jokes, and losing the paragraph!!! Giving my critters a big THANK YOU!!!

Sunday Sweets

Sweet … moi? I’m more of a salty person … But Faith nominated me for "Super Sweet Blogger Award" and I accepted. Because I can be sweet sometimes …


The rules copied from Faith: answer the following five sweet questions and nominate five sweet bloggers. Easy-peasy.

1. Cookies or Cake? Cookies! Ideally, ginger snaps. I cannot resist a little sweet something, probably to counteract all the salt and spice.

2. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate. A luscious Belgian chocolate (I got spoiled living two years in Belgium). But I’ll settle for a Cadbury.  

3. Favorite Sweet Treat? Fresh mangoes. It's as if I've died and gone to heaven.

4. When Do You Crave Sweet Things The Most? In the afternoons, when I need a little pick-me-up.

5. Sweet Nick Name? My brother nicknamed me Winkie and it has remained. I tried to teach my husband a few Indian terms of endearment, but not one stuck. But he need only look at me ... and I melt.

Five bloggers who've added sweet goodness to my life (and who've not yet rec'd this award).

Marcia Hoehne, a dear, dear friend with whom I discuss life, faith, and writing.
Mgsr. Charles Pope, a holy priest who has taught me much about my faith.
Kristi Holl, whose Writer's First Aid is a great gift to all of us who are writer-mamas.
Verla Kay, who created the Blueboards, the best community for children's writers to support one another in their journey and where you can find me moderating/procrastinating.
Shannon Grogan, a writer from WA who sent me a copy of a book featuring my poem, and who is coming out with a new YA suspense FROM WHERE I WATCH YOU.
Becky Shillington, is a writer whom I'll get to see this coming weekend at the Carolinas SCBWI conference.

Is that six? Shucks, I can't count ... as it was quite apparent at choir practice last Wed.
 

Car Talk Guys discuss the Pope's Renault

These are just some of the comments that had me laughing:

I always thought the Pope would drive a Christ-ler

The pope can easily handle a flooded engine. Even if it’s of Biblical proportions.

I haven’t seen car trouble like this since we tried to fit all the Apostles in one Accord.

It’s either burning oil, or you’ve just been replaced.

“A little black smoke is fine, just watch out for the white smoke”.

Look the Vatican acquired a new relic.

“The Spiritus Sancti made manifold…”

“Well, sir, it keeps overheating because the water in the radiator keeps turning to wine…”

Read the full article here:

http://cnsblog.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/what-did-the-popes-mechanic-say/

Wipes tears!

I love this Pope! He's keeping everybody on his toes.

Insults?

Image taken from this cafepress site. There are other posters as well.

I don't prowl around the internet looking for insults, but somehow I came across Shakespearean insults and I am hooked.

You can be insulted here and even generate your own insults.

I must use a couple of these in my manuscript and I think I know just the place for them.

Enjoy!