Judas

Judas Iscariot by Giotto

I've been pondering Judas. Why did our Lord Jesus choose him as an apostle knowing that Judas would betray Him, and with a kiss, no less? Our Lord says, "The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born.” Matt 26:24. Wow! Because the only tragedy I can think of not making it to heaven. There are only two options--heaven or hell. And clearly Judas is in hell. Not because he betrayed our Lord, but because he despaired and took his own life instead of running to Jesus. He was remorseful and tried to return the 30 pieces of silver to the Sanhedrin. He could've fallen to his knees at the Cross and begged forgiveness for the worst sin ever--Deicide--and Jesus would've saved him, opened the gates of paradise to him. But instead, he tried to save himself. We cannot save ourselves. Yet our Lord will not save us without our consent, unless we accept His Mercy. But I still wonder why Jesus chose Judas knowing what a traitor he'd be. God is love. I know our Lord loved Judas. 

I wonder what Judas was thinking. We know he was a thief, stealing the money the disciples collected for the poor. But when did he stop loving our Lord? Why did Judas continue to stay with this little band of people who followed Jesus? I ask these questions because I wonder about myself too. How I betray Jesus, and for what? Michael and I have been reading St. Thomas Aquinas' Lenten Meditations daily and they give so much insight into both the nature of Christ's sacrifice and our own human condition.   

As we enter the Sacred Triduum, I pause and ponder my faith and pray that I may never ever be separated from our dear Lord Jesus. Why the Incarnation? Why the Crucifixion? Why the Eucharist? One drop of His Precious Blood at His Circumcision could've saved us all. Instead every last drop of His Precious Blood is drained from His Body. He gives us His all. And He continues to give Himself in the Holy Eucharist. It is impossible for my poor heart to imagine a love so deep. And so I pray and praise and petition my Lord Jesus to let me grow in His Love. To be more like Mary of Bethany and less like Judas Iscariot. All these ponderings at the beautiful full moon last night at Breach Inlet after Maundy Thursday Liturgy with the commandment to imitate Him. Perhaps the next book we read together will be Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis.

Mary Anointing Jesus by Daniel Gerhartz