A Beautiful Day

We fared well during the hurricane, again. Praise God! There were some dire predictions for Charleston but Dorian stayed off-shore. This is the highest the water got in our backyard (still less than with Irma or Matthew) and later the wind was against the tide. I have a feeling coastal NC didn't fare as well given how much closer the eyewall was. Praying for them.

Today it's sunny and beautiful, a great day to clean up--lots of downed trees but I don't see much structural damage on my walk. I did meet a neighbor who is celebrating his 80th birthday! So is a dear family member!

He used to have a good friend who became a Rabbi and I often think and pray for our Jewish brethren because Salvation is from the Jews. I love what St. Augustine and other Church Fathers said: The New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old Testament is unveiled in the New. The New is not meant to replace the Old, rather it brings into full light the hidden meaning and signs that foreshadow God's plan of redemption through His Son, Christ Jesus.

Today is also first Friday, a special day devoted to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I wrote this Gospel meditation without realizing it was even a Friday. I was sooooo thankful to be able to hear Mass. Our beautiful little church suffered no damage. 

Chronic Migraines and Healing: Part I -- Back in Control

As many of you know, I've spent a good decade of my life wracked with migraines. I've been to family doctors, neurologists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, but I've not had long-term relief. I still remember being pain-free for 17 days in a row and how exciting that was, like getting a new lease on life. Over the years, I've learned a lot about pain physiology, but until now, I never connected all the dots--our bodies, minds, and souls are inextricably linked while we are alive--and what happens in one realm affects the other.

When I was coming home from the Carolinas SCBWI conference, I rode home with Rebecca Ivester, and she mentioned a book, Back in Control, written by Dr. David Hanscom, a spine doctor. It took a while to get a copy from the library but well worth the wait. From the beginning, his sound advice resonated. This doctor almost put himself out of business. He still performs surgeries for patients who truly need it but for those suffering from chronic pain, he has other tools. You can start right away by visiting his website: http://www.backincontrol.com/ 

First, understand that pain is a good thing--it protects us from damaging our bodies. You're probably not aware that you're shifting continuously as you sit in your chair to prevent one spot from getting too sore. Pain is a survival mechanism. But chronic pain is a mechanism that's gone awry. In the beginning, the injury that causes pain is helpful in healing. But after some time, when the injury itself is healed, the pain signal can still be generated...in the brain. The pathway is cemented. Think of amputees who experience pain in a limb that's no longer there. Chronic pain, then, is an overreaction to sensory stimuli in the brain and it only gets worse with time. It's caused by both physical and emotional factors and the best way is to treat all underlying causes simultaneously.

Emotions First:

Here's a progression of negative emotions. We go from being alert > nervous > anxious > afraid > paranoid > terrorized. And as the good doctor learned in medical school: neurons that fire together, wire together. In my case, I've gotten increasingly anxious about getting a migraine that I avoid even pleasant things such as movies, concerts, and vacations. It's easier to stay at home in an environment I can control. Loud noises, flashing lights, hormonal changes, a drop in barometric pressure, all trigger a migraine. 

So what to do? Unlearn the pain. When Dr. Hanscom sees patients, the first prescription he gives is writing. He calls it expressive writing. I call it free writing, but it's one and the same. It's a place to literally write away the pain. I can attest to the power of free-writing, especially the Morning Pages that Julia Cameron preaches. I simply feel better, am more focused, and productive when I write. Even my family knows that after three days of not writing, I can turn into a terrible crab. Better to take 15-20 minutes each day to write instead. Hanscom recommends two sessions each day. The second prescription is meditation. And this is not about emptying the mind but being mindful, paying attention--feeling the breeze upon your face, a cat's soft fur, the rumbling purr, the taste of food. Really being present. The third prescription is getting good sleep because it's enormously healing. So you see, you can begin right away! And aren't they the BEST prescriptions ever?

The second stage is forgiving others who've wronged you,  forgiving yourself for the wrongs you've perpetrated, asking for forgiveness, and really letting go of the bitterness in your life. 

Another prescription is to spend more time playing and practicing what you enjoy. Just as pain is learned (rapid fire by the brain), so are skills like playing a sport or instrument, albeit at a much slower pace. So strengthen those *play* pathways. For me, this means spending some time every day playing the piano, really focusing on learning the songs, and singing. And I am so pleased to see this strategy working. I've been able to reduce the pounding in my head by singing a Byrd Mass. Perhaps because I'm praying simultaneously. Lol. In any case, I'm writing and playing more. Also practicing coloring and calligraphy. See these pretty psalm cards? I mail these out as well.   

Dr. Hanscom encourages you to move forward and create a vision for your life. Address family issues. Get organized. Keep up with the daily practice. Connect with the life you want--step into it with or without your pain. Expand your consciousness. Embark on your inward journey. Go on a spiritual journey. Finally, give back.

He cautions against positive thinking that isn't true (because it masks reality) or mind over matter mentality. You cannot be free of pain by sheer determination. Don't I know this! I have to remember that I didn't become chronically ill in a day (the migraines started five years prior and were sporadic before they became chronic), and neither will I be free from them in just a day. Unfortunately, the pain pathways are permanent, so they can be triggered. He says, "You will fail." So learn to fail well. Keep up with the daily practices and trust that your brain is changing. 

I loved what he said toward the end: Be CREATIVE, not REACTIVE (they're anagrams). We creatives have all the necessary tools to bring emotional and mental healing to our bodies through our art. Next time, I'll discuss physical aspects because no amount of writing will rectify a magnesium deficiency or food allergy. And let's not forget the advice from the Angelic Doctor. Part II, An Integrative Approach next.

May Memories

 

Newborn Dagny

I love May, the month of Mary and the month of this little munchkin, who is 17 years old. My dear Dagny, you were a delight from before you were born. I loved carrying you and was impatient to meet you, especially the last three months when strangers would ask me if I was having twins and I had to assure them that there was only one of you! You tipped the scales at almost ten pounds when you were born!!! Everybody admired you and wanted to pet your hair. They'd never seen babies with such a full head. I was happiest when you were in my arms. Alas, the first couple of weeks were difficult--you had to stay in the incubator as much as possible. I only nursed you half the time. The other half, Daddy fed you. We'd been through this with Max so I knew to fight for you to get you on the bili-lights as soon as possible. You came home with a fantastic tan! And we held you and gazed upon you as much as we wanted.
 

Cool shades!

 

 

I'm so glad Max is here to celebrate with us. He's the best big brother a girl could ask for. My only regret is that you never got a chance to be a big sister. You'd have been wonderful. Raising you two has been the greatest joy of our lives, even through the difficult times. I know God has great plans for you and I'm waiting patiently to see how beautifully your life is going to unfold. May our blessed Lord Jesus bless you abundantly, remain with you always, and grant you all the desires of your heart. Ask and you shall receive so that your joy may be full. ~ John 16:23
 
And here's my Gospel reflection for today, written with you in mind: http://catholicmom.com/2018/05/07/daily-gospel-reflection-may-7-2018/  I love you more than words can say, Mom.

You are 2 wks old, Max 2 yrs

17 and 19 yrs old

Lenten Thoughts

We're two weeks into Lent. I just loved the Gradual for last Sunday. Not sure if you can read it: Ps. 24, 17, 18. Relieve the troubles of my heart and bring me out of my distress, O Lord. Put an end to my affliction and my suffering, and take away my sin. I kept praying this over and over all day Sunday. And although I'd resolved not to whine about the migraines during Lent, I could not bear the pain nor the discouragement, so failed in my resolve. A wise friend reminded me that we don't get to choose our Lent. I'm so grateful for all who pray for me and listen to me patiently. God hears our prayers and even says Yes when He wills! Praise Him! Every Mass is a healing Mass. I am so conscious of the Divine Physician--His molecules becoming part of my body. Monday morning I knew I'd turn a corner. Today, a glorious spring day that melted away the pain and sorrow of the past 15 days. I was also happy to meet my Feb. deadlines!

Monday was also Max's birthday. It's strange not having him home to celebrate. But I wrote a meditation and it's a gift. I don't know whether he's had a chance to read it, but I hope he does. This year I purposely chose to write the Daily Gospel Reflection for dates having some meaning for me--the kids' birthdays and our acceptance into the Church. I find it amazing that even when I've chosen random dates, the Holy Spirit always leads me to choose what I need to learn the most.

Anyway, I'm going to attempt another round at detoxing from the painkillers. I never take the same thing more than two days in a row but it's ridiculous when you take something every single day, even if it's just an aspirin. It's not normal. It's frustrating when all the things you try work for a while and then stop. I bought a TENS unit (read the 2nd review--it's hilarious) but my hair was getting in the way so had it cut short. Not thrilled with it, but it's Lent and I can give up vanity too.

I hope those of you who are celebrating Lent are finding yourself growing closer to Jesus. And if you've failed at your Lenten resolutions, begin again and again. Tomorrow's a new day!

Writing and the Spiritual Life

In my email box I receive some choice quotes from the Bible and from the saints on a particular topic daily for Nineveh 90. Fr. Heilman has been including a meditation and in the past few days they've been from the writings of Fr. John Hardon. I'd never heard of him but his meditations are so beautiful, I decided to look him up and what a treasure I find in his archives. I recently bought a book for Max: How I Stayed Catholic at Harvard by Aurora Griffin: 40 Tips for Faithful College Students and one of her tips includes daily spiritual reading and writing (mine usually includes the pets). She references an article online by Fr. John Hardon. I love how God makes me pay attention. There are no coincidences. So without further ado, some quotes from Fr. Hardon on Why Write?


We have in life to master our minds, to control our thoughts. Writing disciplines the mind.

Writing controls and enables us to master our thinking. With our thoughts in control, as we know, every thought leads to a desire. Every desire leads to an action. Every action leads to a habit. Every habit shapes our character. And our character determines our destiny. It all begins in the mind.

Cardinal Newman explains why more people do not write. The reason, he explains, is that “I have to read what I have written. I must look at myself as I really am.” Writing is a mirror of our minds. And what we see, we blink [at]. What fool wrote this? I must see the vagueness of my thinking, the inconsistencies of my logic, the triviality my life; and the experience is humiliating.

Writing cultivates the memory.

Writing provides us with a moral inventory. St. Ignatius Loyola stressed the importance of a daily review of our conduct and it put into written form.

...writing in the spiritual life is so important to cultivate the art of speaking.

Too often we speak without first thinking. But we cannot write without thinking.

...“why write?” For the practice of charity in sharing our souls.

Oh dear. So many quotations. I cut out a few. Do yourself a favor and read the article. God bless and happy writing!

Living a Mighty Faith

I loved Faith Like Potatoes so when I saw a chance to read Angus Buchan's daily meditations, I didn't hesitate to pick Living a Mighty Faith. I've not read all the meditations but many and they are simple and practical, dealing with the every-day challenges of being patient with a child, lending a hand to a neighbor, savoring the moment, turning to God, trusting Him. But what they lack is depth, that Aha! moment when something difficult is clarified or you transcend the ordinary. Still, as a daily meditation guide, it is useful because of the way it's organized, with a verse from Scripture, a meditation and then a short prayer. I especially enjoyed the passages where he shares some of his life as a farmer, father and husband. It is beautifully bound with a ribbon to keep your place. It makes a lovely gift as well. Thanks to BookLook for providing me with a  review copy.

Meditation on Rich Man and Poor Lazarus

Lazarus and Dives, illumination from the Codex Aureus of Echternach
Top panel: Lazarus at the rich man's door
Middle panel: Lazarus' soul is carried to Paradise by two angels; Lazarus in Abraham's bosom
Bottom panel: Dives' soul is carried off by two devils to Hell; Dives is tortured in Hades
Taken from Wikipedia

This was a powerful meditation. You'll have to excuse the seemingly disjointed thoughts. By the way, some people think it's sacrilegious to write in church, but it's one of the things I do regularly. I figure if the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen did so in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, it's good for me as well :) And there's such a comfort to ask Jesus to write with me.

We are always being called by God to holiness. It’s a continual conversion. Pray to help begin again. To have good desires, deeper faith. There is a certain lethargy even if we are busy. We say things like when we get over this hump, or when the kids graduate, then I’ll have time to pray more, but the problem is, when we finish one thing, there’s another. Our time is taken up with things of the moment, new things, different things. It’s like hiking – there’s always another hill. We get older we feel more fragile. Our parents, our peers, they begin to die. What the heck is retirement? Life ends. We only are made in His image. Everything else reflects His beauty. So only we participate in His mysteries. To grasp the good and share it. At the end, we give an account to God for how we’ve used those gifts.

The parable of the rich man and Lazarus is one we cannot forget. When you die, it is too late. Life is finished and there’s a gulf between heaven and hell. Nothing can be done. We have the Law of Moses and the words of the prophets. Even if a dead man arose, people wouldn’t believe. A dead man did rise! Jesus. But how many believe?

Lord, help my unbelief!

The Holy Spirit does not force Himself upon us. The Lord will knock and waits for us to open the door. The Lord will never coerce.

When we take a class, students ask: Is this going to be on the test? It’s an important question because at the end of life, when you stand before the throne of God, you will have to answer. And the consequences are eternal. If it’s true, if Jesus is God, then our eternal life depends on it. It’s going to be heaven or hell. If it’s not true, why bother?

The Catechism says that upon death, we are judged according to our faith and works. How we lived. Our Lord is not trying to “get us” into trouble but always drawing us closer to Himself. See, for a person who hates Jesus, who does not believe in God, it would be hell for him to be in heaven, where it is all love. He couldn’t stand it. That’s why hell is an eternal separation.

So yes, you have to choose. We will be purged and purified. St. Augustine says the suffering in purgatory is greater than anything we can imagine but they are happier than anyone on earth because they know the purpose of suffering. They know they are on the road to heaven and so can endure this temporary separation from God.

Our Lord, Who always did good, dies as a criminal, abandoned by even his friends and betrayed by a close one. It is total devastation. But it turns into total victory because it is offered with total love for the salvation of the world.    

So make each day count in spite of our personal wretchedness. Our eternal destiny is to be with God, with all the angels and saints. Be a saint!

This is the Christian vision of life. Eternity. But we’ve lost this and that’s why we prescribe death as a cure. We euthanize. We abort. But this is false mercy. It is blindness. Everything that is not of God will pass away. Everything that is of God will endure forever.

Faith is a Person – Jesus Christ. The God-Man. It is a mystery of the Trinity. Jesus is sent by the Father so that we may get to know the Father by the help of the Holy Spirit. It is about coming to love someone. Not just a bunch of rules. Morality is the path to eternal life and love. To meet our Lord. In John’s first letter, he begins.  … we have seen, we have heard, we have touched. We testify. He wants us know Jesus so that our joy might be complete. That you may believe! He is an old man while writing this letter. He is one of the sons of Zebedee, sons of thunder because they were so full of fire. Jesus rebukes them but he is the beloved disciple. Doctrine helps us to understand who Jesus is.

I am just an ordinary woman, but I also need to write. It is an overflowing of the interior life. It is natural that I want to bring my greatest treasure – Jesus – to share. One of these days I will need to write my testimony in detail, not the shorty one I wrote for Catholic Digest. When I read the Purpose Driven Life, that is one of the important things Pastor Warren asks us to do.

On Being Lukewarm

Meditation

Many Catholics no longer believe Jesus is truly present in consecrated Hosts. It is very, very sad because He is no longer shown the proper reverence. The lit red lamp signifies that our Blessed Lord is in the Tabernacle. We are close to Jesus, just not in the same manner as He was 2,000 years ago. So we must get the fundamentals right. When Jesus broke and blessed the bread, He said, “This *is* My Body.” And if this is not true, then nothing else is either.

We are beloved sons and daughters of God. Jesus died for you and me and all the others. So we don’t want to be minimalists, as in seeing how far we can get to the edge before falling off the cliff.

In Revelations 3:16 it’s quite ugly what will happen to lukewarm people: So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.

Yikes! So what does it mean? You are neither hot or cold, but being lulled into spiritual drowsiness. You lose the horror of sin, settle for mediocrity. Little by little you lose a moral life and will fall into mortal sin.

Our Lord says that those whom He loves, He rebukes and chastises. At times He is harsh but it is to jolt us out of lukewarmness. He doesn’t want to lose us.

So change. Begin again. Ask the Lord to help you. Ask the Blessed Mother. Your guardian angel. Ask the saints, especially the Little Flower.

Jesus, show me how to love with the little things. We have to start with little things because that is how we fall into lukewarmness, by despising the little things.

Father Bob shared a story while he was in Rome. All the priests need to do some sort of work, whether it is fixing cars or painting. Alas, Fr. Bob had no talent for the mechanical. So they asked him to work as an exterminator of the woodworm. It has a little beak and it makes a clicking sound so you have to look for little holes with fresh sawdust and listen for the clicking with a stethoscope. When you find it, you fill the hole with varnish using a syringe. It’s very satisfying work because you look and listen and you make progress inch by inch. There was a gilded wooden frame around a picture of Our Lady. It looked perfect … but when he picked it up, the frame crumbled. It was hollow on the inside. That’s what happens to us when we’re lukewarm.

There is no zeal, no heart, no real love. We are easily satisfied. Feel cynical about true piety. Faith diminishes. There is no charity. How many people miss the presence of angels?

Fr. Bob recounted another story. When he went to Sri Lanka it was hot, steamy, and everything grows and millions of critters that made him jump. If you walked even a little distance from your hut, you’d be in a jungle with 8 ft crocs, bats with a span of a meter, and 8,000 elephants. But the most difficult thing to deal with aren’t these, but the little mosquito. You have to do a thorough check before you settle into bed because it’s no fun being trapped with a mosquito.

And such is life. It’s always the little things. Murder is not a typical temptation, rather it’s the snide comment. It’s a lazy prayer life. Judas didn’t become a traitor right away. He was stealing small amounts of money. He went into a self-destructive mode because he had no real love.

A little act of love is worth a lot. So be a little flower. Be like the Little Flower.

A Spiritual Retreat

I went to my first religious retreat. Silent. Even our meals were taken in silence. There was a lot of praying. I didn’t think I could hear Mass, pray the rosary, the stations, adore the Lord and meditate for this many hours every day for three days but the time flew. I was grateful for the 5-hr drive so that we could transition to our normal lives. 

The Carmelite retreat center was beautiful. There were paintings to lift our minds to God, even in the bathrooms. I copied a couple of sayings:

Count your blessings. (I have a pillow that says this too and Salina Yoon wrote a beautiful PB J). This little saying should be tattooed upon our hearts.

Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

What you are is God’s gift to you. What you become is your gift to God. ~ Hans Urs van Balthasar.

I loved this opening prayer before each meditation.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe You are here, that You see me, You hear me. I adore You with profound reverence. I beg pardon for my sins and the grace to spend the time in prayer fruitfully. My Immaculate Mother, St. Joseph my father, my Lord, and my Guardian Angel, intercede for me. Amen.

Meditation on the Samaritan woman in John's Gospel:

We are like her. What is our encounter with Jesus like? He longs for a deeper relationship. And when we allow this, we are transformed. The Samaritan woman drops her water pot and announces to everybody that Jesus is the Messiah. It’s important to note that Jesus chooses imperfect people to spread His Word. Think about Mary of Magdala.

Another point is that God puts specific people in our lives, not just random people. We will have the greatest influence on the people in our immediate circle – our children, friends, parents. They are all here in this time and place by design. So be salt and light to them!

On Examination of Conscience and Mercy:

We belong to God. He made us. He knows us. So have no fear and anxiety when we go to make our confession.

On the cross, Jesus is not focused on His humiliation but how we are hurting the Father. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!” He cries.

And so, we too need to forgive those who’ve wronged us. And be quick to ask for pardon as soon as we realize we’ve done a wrong. “Don’t say, ‘he made me do it!’”

Funny story: A nun hauls in a boy because he bit another’s finger. “Did you bite his finger?” she asks. “Yes, sister,” says the boy. The nun is pleased with the boy’s forthrightness. “Why did you bite the finger?” The boy replies, “He put it in my mouth.”

Fri Mass – Homily

Feeding of the five thousand. It’s an impossible problem, but Jesus tells us what to do (sit down and distribute the food) and He provides the rest. He far exceeds our expectations. We must trust in Jesus.

And who is this Jesus? He is Son of the Living God! In Acts 5:34-42 a Pharisee observes what has happened to previous so-called prophets. He then advises the Sanhedrin, "have nothing to do with these men (the Apostles), and let them go. For if this endeavor or this activity is of human origin, it will destroy itself. But if it comes from God, you will not be able to destroy them; you may even find yourselves fighting against God."

Wow!

That's enough to chew on for now :) More meditations to come later.