On Retreats, Reading, and Education

About a month ago I overheard Michael and Max talking on the phone. Max was busy and wondering if he should take some time off to make a retreat. Michael encouraged him to do so because the studies and work are always there. "Don't be like me and wait until you're 55," he said. I had to laugh--Max has been on a retreat nearly every year in high school and knows how beneficial they are.

Michael made his first ever retreat and returned home so very rejuvenated, he booked another one that he's been wanting to go for quite some time. He was busy mentoring the kids doing robotics and never wanted to miss one of Max's football or rugby games. So, with Max in college, he finally feels like he can take the time to retreat.

I really, really recommend retreating from the daily responsibilities and noise of the world at least once a year. I'm a homebody so it's easy for me to make a retreat at home, but still I have to work on maintaining the silence. But for a man who's been working all his life, I cannot even imagine how wonderful it must've been to lay down his burdens and be free to pray and contemplate deeply.

He was at the same Carmelite retreat center I'd been to two years ago. Fr. Juan Velez led all the prayers and meditations but there were also a couple of guest lectures. Michael said he loved the silence, but he also enjoyed the few conversations he had with the other men at the end of the retreat. He came home with the biography of Cardinal John Henry Newman, signed by Fr. Velez. We've been using the Newman guide to educate ourselves on Catholic schooling and have learned so much about the purpose of education. No, it's not about getting a degree. Or a job. It's so much more. It's fulfilling that deepest desire to know more, where you came from, where you're going, why you're even here! It's trying to appease that restless heart and the only way it will rest and be at peace is when it rests in the Lord. St. Augustine was right all along. I can't believe how late my own real education is beginning but every day there's joy and wonder at all the things I'm learning. I'll be at it till the day I die :)

I'm curious. What do you think is the purpose of education? Are you happy with what you received? Are you hungry for more? What are you doing about it?

We built a home library back in WA and building a smaller one here (you can't see it very well but the overall shape of the crates mirrors the shape of Max's room) and I'm delighted that there's space to add more books. And I'm very organized when it comes to books because books are my friends and I need to able to find particular ones quickly :) Also, all this pleases my inner librarian.

Max's room--adult nonfiction

Hallway--adult fiction/children's F and NF books/poetry
and we won't talk about my messy office :)

I picked up a couple more books and can highly recommend this slim gem of a book by Fr. James Schall: Liberal Learning. And I'm looking forward to digging into Fr. Velez's books.



Meditation on Rich Man and Poor Lazarus

Lazarus and Dives, illumination from the Codex Aureus of Echternach
Top panel: Lazarus at the rich man's door
Middle panel: Lazarus' soul is carried to Paradise by two angels; Lazarus in Abraham's bosom
Bottom panel: Dives' soul is carried off by two devils to Hell; Dives is tortured in Hades
Taken from Wikipedia

This was a powerful meditation. You'll have to excuse the seemingly disjointed thoughts. By the way, some people think it's sacrilegious to write in church, but it's one of the things I do regularly. I figure if the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen did so in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, it's good for me as well :) And there's such a comfort to ask Jesus to write with me.

We are always being called by God to holiness. It’s a continual conversion. Pray to help begin again. To have good desires, deeper faith. There is a certain lethargy even if we are busy. We say things like when we get over this hump, or when the kids graduate, then I’ll have time to pray more, but the problem is, when we finish one thing, there’s another. Our time is taken up with things of the moment, new things, different things. It’s like hiking – there’s always another hill. We get older we feel more fragile. Our parents, our peers, they begin to die. What the heck is retirement? Life ends. We only are made in His image. Everything else reflects His beauty. So only we participate in His mysteries. To grasp the good and share it. At the end, we give an account to God for how we’ve used those gifts.

The parable of the rich man and Lazarus is one we cannot forget. When you die, it is too late. Life is finished and there’s a gulf between heaven and hell. Nothing can be done. We have the Law of Moses and the words of the prophets. Even if a dead man arose, people wouldn’t believe. A dead man did rise! Jesus. But how many believe?

Lord, help my unbelief!

The Holy Spirit does not force Himself upon us. The Lord will knock and waits for us to open the door. The Lord will never coerce.

When we take a class, students ask: Is this going to be on the test? It’s an important question because at the end of life, when you stand before the throne of God, you will have to answer. And the consequences are eternal. If it’s true, if Jesus is God, then our eternal life depends on it. It’s going to be heaven or hell. If it’s not true, why bother?

The Catechism says that upon death, we are judged according to our faith and works. How we lived. Our Lord is not trying to “get us” into trouble but always drawing us closer to Himself. See, for a person who hates Jesus, who does not believe in God, it would be hell for him to be in heaven, where it is all love. He couldn’t stand it. That’s why hell is an eternal separation.

So yes, you have to choose. We will be purged and purified. St. Augustine says the suffering in purgatory is greater than anything we can imagine but they are happier than anyone on earth because they know the purpose of suffering. They know they are on the road to heaven and so can endure this temporary separation from God.

Our Lord, Who always did good, dies as a criminal, abandoned by even his friends and betrayed by a close one. It is total devastation. But it turns into total victory because it is offered with total love for the salvation of the world.    

So make each day count in spite of our personal wretchedness. Our eternal destiny is to be with God, with all the angels and saints. Be a saint!

This is the Christian vision of life. Eternity. But we’ve lost this and that’s why we prescribe death as a cure. We euthanize. We abort. But this is false mercy. It is blindness. Everything that is not of God will pass away. Everything that is of God will endure forever.

Faith is a Person – Jesus Christ. The God-Man. It is a mystery of the Trinity. Jesus is sent by the Father so that we may get to know the Father by the help of the Holy Spirit. It is about coming to love someone. Not just a bunch of rules. Morality is the path to eternal life and love. To meet our Lord. In John’s first letter, he begins.  … we have seen, we have heard, we have touched. We testify. He wants us know Jesus so that our joy might be complete. That you may believe! He is an old man while writing this letter. He is one of the sons of Zebedee, sons of thunder because they were so full of fire. Jesus rebukes them but he is the beloved disciple. Doctrine helps us to understand who Jesus is.

I am just an ordinary woman, but I also need to write. It is an overflowing of the interior life. It is natural that I want to bring my greatest treasure – Jesus – to share. One of these days I will need to write my testimony in detail, not the shorty one I wrote for Catholic Digest. When I read the Purpose Driven Life, that is one of the important things Pastor Warren asks us to do.

On Being Lukewarm

Meditation

Many Catholics no longer believe Jesus is truly present in consecrated Hosts. It is very, very sad because He is no longer shown the proper reverence. The lit red lamp signifies that our Blessed Lord is in the Tabernacle. We are close to Jesus, just not in the same manner as He was 2,000 years ago. So we must get the fundamentals right. When Jesus broke and blessed the bread, He said, “This *is* My Body.” And if this is not true, then nothing else is either.

We are beloved sons and daughters of God. Jesus died for you and me and all the others. So we don’t want to be minimalists, as in seeing how far we can get to the edge before falling off the cliff.

In Revelations 3:16 it’s quite ugly what will happen to lukewarm people: So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.

Yikes! So what does it mean? You are neither hot or cold, but being lulled into spiritual drowsiness. You lose the horror of sin, settle for mediocrity. Little by little you lose a moral life and will fall into mortal sin.

Our Lord says that those whom He loves, He rebukes and chastises. At times He is harsh but it is to jolt us out of lukewarmness. He doesn’t want to lose us.

So change. Begin again. Ask the Lord to help you. Ask the Blessed Mother. Your guardian angel. Ask the saints, especially the Little Flower.

Jesus, show me how to love with the little things. We have to start with little things because that is how we fall into lukewarmness, by despising the little things.

Father Bob shared a story while he was in Rome. All the priests need to do some sort of work, whether it is fixing cars or painting. Alas, Fr. Bob had no talent for the mechanical. So they asked him to work as an exterminator of the woodworm. It has a little beak and it makes a clicking sound so you have to look for little holes with fresh sawdust and listen for the clicking with a stethoscope. When you find it, you fill the hole with varnish using a syringe. It’s very satisfying work because you look and listen and you make progress inch by inch. There was a gilded wooden frame around a picture of Our Lady. It looked perfect … but when he picked it up, the frame crumbled. It was hollow on the inside. That’s what happens to us when we’re lukewarm.

There is no zeal, no heart, no real love. We are easily satisfied. Feel cynical about true piety. Faith diminishes. There is no charity. How many people miss the presence of angels?

Fr. Bob recounted another story. When he went to Sri Lanka it was hot, steamy, and everything grows and millions of critters that made him jump. If you walked even a little distance from your hut, you’d be in a jungle with 8 ft crocs, bats with a span of a meter, and 8,000 elephants. But the most difficult thing to deal with aren’t these, but the little mosquito. You have to do a thorough check before you settle into bed because it’s no fun being trapped with a mosquito.

And such is life. It’s always the little things. Murder is not a typical temptation, rather it’s the snide comment. It’s a lazy prayer life. Judas didn’t become a traitor right away. He was stealing small amounts of money. He went into a self-destructive mode because he had no real love.

A little act of love is worth a lot. So be a little flower. Be like the Little Flower.

A Spiritual Retreat

I went to my first religious retreat. Silent. Even our meals were taken in silence. There was a lot of praying. I didn’t think I could hear Mass, pray the rosary, the stations, adore the Lord and meditate for this many hours every day for three days but the time flew. I was grateful for the 5-hr drive so that we could transition to our normal lives. 

The Carmelite retreat center was beautiful. There were paintings to lift our minds to God, even in the bathrooms. I copied a couple of sayings:

Count your blessings. (I have a pillow that says this too and Salina Yoon wrote a beautiful PB J). This little saying should be tattooed upon our hearts.

Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

What you are is God’s gift to you. What you become is your gift to God. ~ Hans Urs van Balthasar.

I loved this opening prayer before each meditation.

My Lord and my God, I firmly believe You are here, that You see me, You hear me. I adore You with profound reverence. I beg pardon for my sins and the grace to spend the time in prayer fruitfully. My Immaculate Mother, St. Joseph my father, my Lord, and my Guardian Angel, intercede for me. Amen.

Meditation on the Samaritan woman in John's Gospel:

We are like her. What is our encounter with Jesus like? He longs for a deeper relationship. And when we allow this, we are transformed. The Samaritan woman drops her water pot and announces to everybody that Jesus is the Messiah. It’s important to note that Jesus chooses imperfect people to spread His Word. Think about Mary of Magdala.

Another point is that God puts specific people in our lives, not just random people. We will have the greatest influence on the people in our immediate circle – our children, friends, parents. They are all here in this time and place by design. So be salt and light to them!

On Examination of Conscience and Mercy:

We belong to God. He made us. He knows us. So have no fear and anxiety when we go to make our confession.

On the cross, Jesus is not focused on His humiliation but how we are hurting the Father. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!” He cries.

And so, we too need to forgive those who’ve wronged us. And be quick to ask for pardon as soon as we realize we’ve done a wrong. “Don’t say, ‘he made me do it!’”

Funny story: A nun hauls in a boy because he bit another’s finger. “Did you bite his finger?” she asks. “Yes, sister,” says the boy. The nun is pleased with the boy’s forthrightness. “Why did you bite the finger?” The boy replies, “He put it in my mouth.”

Fri Mass – Homily

Feeding of the five thousand. It’s an impossible problem, but Jesus tells us what to do (sit down and distribute the food) and He provides the rest. He far exceeds our expectations. We must trust in Jesus.

And who is this Jesus? He is Son of the Living God! In Acts 5:34-42 a Pharisee observes what has happened to previous so-called prophets. He then advises the Sanhedrin, "have nothing to do with these men (the Apostles), and let them go. For if this endeavor or this activity is of human origin, it will destroy itself. But if it comes from God, you will not be able to destroy them; you may even find yourselves fighting against God."

Wow!

That's enough to chew on for now :) More meditations to come later.

Opus Dei Meeting Notes: Examen

I came across a wonderful review of a biography of St. Jose Maria Escriva by Pilar Urbano, and was delighted to learn it's been recently translated into English. Will have to check it out.

By coincidence (or God-incidence) I was well enough to go to an Opus Dei meeting for the first time. My husband has gone thrice over the past two years with the men and he encouraged me to go to the women's circle. I don't really like group activities and was quite content to read the saints and work on my spiritual life with their guidance in the comfort of my home. But an invitation issued this fall and my heart stirred. Alas, poor health prevented me from going, until now.

And what a blessing! I know each of the women individually, some better than others, so no introductions were necessary. In fact, they've all been praying and sacrificing for me. My heart swelled with gratitude. And I think how good it is to be able to work on your spiritual life with people who talk back to you :) And so, I'd like to share my notes, especially if you are homebound for any reason -- illness, small children, introversion.

We began with a short prayer and the Gospel reading for the day (Mt 11:28-30): Jesus said to the crowds: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”  This is a favorite of mine perhaps because I long to rest in His arms. However, our leader focused on being meek and humble as a prelude to the examination of conscience.

The examen should be a daily task to reflect in the presence of God how we've been pleasing to Him and how we've offended Him. We're talking about the little things here regarding our daily duties, our relationship with God and family and other people. But in focusing on the little things, we can begin to ask the bigger questions: Why am I here? How can I give glory to God?

The examen requires a spirit of humility so that we can see what we need to improve in our lives, instead of criticizing others. It means I need to stop telling my kids that they're making me lose my temper. LOL. I need to develop more patience. It requires a spirit of discernment to know what God would have you do so that you can follow His Divine will.

The worst enemy here is pride. When we're prideful, we see ourselves as we wish to be seen, not as we truly are. Know yourself. Acknowledge that you're a sinner. I should mention right now that the Jubilee year of Mercy has begun, but one should understand that the reason we need mercy is because we are sinners.

St. Jose Maria Escriva said to bring a "savage sincerity" to your examen. I love this kind of honesty. It is the path to change. It allows you to go deeper, to the root cause of your defects so that you can uproot, burn off, or throw them away.

Have true sorrow for your sins. It's not just a feeling but an act of the will so that you can resolve to do something to rectify your defects.

Don't get discouraged. That's a sign of pride as well, wanting everything to be perfect. Of course you will fall. Proverbs 24:16 say: For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.

Give thanks to God for everything, beg pardon, and ask for help for the next day.

Some obstacles to the examen: laziness, fatigue, routine, scrupulosity, the devil.

I've never had someone point this out to me before, but the general examen is a defense, like an armor, whereas the particular examen is like a sword. You go on the offense. In the particular examen, you try to work on developing a small virtue (ex. being punctual) and try to get rid of a small defect (ex. wasting time). I highly recommend St. Alphonsus's Twelve Steps to Holiness for this. I could read this year after year.

I am so glad this lesson on examination of conscience came at this time. Advent is penitential season and it fits perfectly with doing some of the spiritual work to prepare our hearts for Christ.