I met Hope Fulliam at a
Highlights Workshop on
Sharing our Hope. She shared a couple of prayer poems that I tucked in my notebook. Everyone present encouraged her to share these poems more widely and I am proud to say she has taken the plunge. I asked Hope for an interview and she has been gracious in answering my many questions. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Hope.
I enjoyed your book
Pray Today: Christian PrayerPoems for Every Day. So many resonated with me, especially the ones about being
patient, trusting in His will, and during times of distress. You remind us He’s
with us always. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer some questions.
I am happy to answer your questions
and so gratified to know that the prayers stirred something in you. I might
have written them, but they seem to have much to teach me still.
How long have you been working on this book?
The prayers in the book were written
over a period of about two years.
I often find myself writing prayers in my journal,
but never did I think of trying to make them beautiful. How did the first
prayer poem come about?
The very first prayer poem I wrote is
not included in the Pray Today collection. I wrote it maybe three years
ago. I didn’t call it a prayer poem at the time. For me, it was just something
quirky that happened by chance one night, when I felt an overpowering need for
God’s help. I wrote it and forgot about it.
Were you an especially poetic child? A religious
one? Who were your mentors? Please do share a little bit about your writing and
faith journey. They seem so intertwined.
If you call reciting “Mary Had a
Little Lamb” poetic, then yes! My appreciation for poetry was limited to
nursery rhymes and I was not religious. As a matter of fact, I do not call
myself religious now. Growing up, I was forced to attend church and I resented
it. I used to sit and watch the clock creep towards the time when I could
escape. And I had no mentors to speak of.
I felt the urge to write when I was in
my early twenties and it ate at me. I tried. I did a course with the ICL;
attended workshops. But everything I wrote fizzled. The passion just wasn’t
there and I never really completed anything, except a few short stories, which
weren’t very good. Year after year, the
frustration built. I felt strongly that I should be a writer and I knew this
was what I was meant to be, because every time I told myself that I should give
up, something inside me would hurt badly.
In 2010, things seemed to be boiling
over inside me. I was very unhappy and this worsened when I picked up some of
my journals and read some old entries. All I could see was complaints and
morose rambling. Those entries seemed to encapsulate my life – no joy, no
achievements, but a whole lot of misery, mostly of my own making. I tried
books, meditation, exercise and other things. Nothing helped.
One Sunday, probably at my lowest
point, I turned on the TV, trying to distract myself. I saw a preacher and my
habit at the time was to immediately change channels, but for some reason I
didn’t that morning. The preacher was saying that it was not too late to bring
your dreams to pass. I was enthralled, glued to the words and to my seat. It
was like he was speaking directly to me. I felt hope stirring for the
first time in what seemed like forever. The preacher was Joel Osteen and every
Sunday afterward, I sat myself in front of the TV and started to learn about
having a relationship with God.
Though I never reached the previous
level of sadness again, my life wasn’t magically fixed. I felt almost tortured,
because I had the feeling that there was something I should be doing but I just
couldn’t figure it out. I felt out of place in my job and sometimes even
physically.
One night in 2012, I was reading a
book by Joel Osteen and he said that perhaps the reason God didn’t bring a
dream to pass was that we were asking too small and God had something better in
mind. I kind of scoffed. I felt I was asking for some pretty huge things and I
turned the page in the book, but the idea that I wasn’t thinking big enough
kept whirring around in my brain.
Later that night, I was writing in my
journal, thinking about a prayer I had written in prose earlier in the day and
about the possibility that I was missing something by not being bold enough in
my prayers, and I wrote, “Maybe He wants me to write a book of prayers”. Those
words left my hand hanging and set the rest of me on fire. The idea just felt
right and this wild excitement gripped me. I decided to try right away and
turned on my laptop. I had a couple of false starts, but once I got going, I
kept going and I was awed to realize I had a prayer written in verse. Then came
the shock that I had already written something like it a year or so before.
I finally felt that I had found my
place and the relief was tremendous. That night I told God that this hadn’t
been what I had been looking for, but to please let me have it; that I would be
extremely grateful and thrilled to write prayers.
So, yes, for me the spiritual journey
and the writing are inextricably linked. I had to find God before I could find
my place in the writing world and in life, generally. And the prayers were born
of personal experience – challenges and revelations and learning. I couldn’t
have written them if I hadn’t gone through certain things.
Bless you, Hope, for giving your testimony. I truly
believe God places dreams in our hearts for us to follow. Your story confirms
for me, yet again, that when we are following God’s will, we are happiest. And
He doesn’t just want to tweak our lives, but to transform it. It takes great
courage to abandon yourself to His will. It’s something I have to do over and
over.
I am curious, have you given up your work to do this
full-time and are you discovering that God is providing for your needs?
I did leave a job to write full-time.
I do not exaggerate when I say that I might have found myself in ill-health if
I hadn’t. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t working at some terrible place. I had a
good job and I worked with good people. But I was in the wrong place. I felt
caught and didn’t know how to free myself. It had reached the point where I had
to force myself to go into work and some days I would leave at lunchtime and go
home, where I cried for an hour before forcing myself back to the office. Not
too long after, I got an opportunity to leave gracefully and I took it. Events
worked out magnificently. Only one person could have planned that.
It wasn’t just emotional distress that
ousted me from my job. I looked at my life and saw a small person who had made
no mark on this world. I couldn’t be that person anymore.
Money has been a challenge. I have
learnt to turn that over to God too and I no longer worry about funds. I
believe He will provide in the days ahead, just as He has in the past. And
another thing I have learnt is that I can ask God for anything – big or small –
and I do. If He takes the time to find me a prime parking spot in a lot that’s
already bursting with cars on Christmas Eve, you can rest assured that He will
at least look after my basic needs too. But I tend to believe that God will
provide much more than just my basic needs.
Now that you are writing
full time, what does your writing schedule look like? Do you write at home, or
go to a café or park? What does a typical day look like for you?
I write at home. I find that I cannot
focus if there are other people around me. I have learnt that it is best to
start writing almost directly after getting out of bed - even before breakfast.
My mind is clearest early in the morning, and if I start the day
by doing housework or running errands, it is hard to get into writing
afterward. But every day is not the same. Some days writing is hard and there
are dry spells. These are the days when it is so easy to find a host of things
to do to away from my desk and I have to sternly tell myself to go sit in
front of the computer.
I confess that although I have dreamed of having all day to write, the few times it has happened, I've frittered it away walking the dog, browsing the net, cleaning house, and whatnot. I suppose you can say I have high resistance to writing, but I always love it when I do. Your answer is a great reminder to do the writing first thing.
I entered the psalms by praying the liturgy of the
hours. Your poems give me a new appreciation for the songs King David wrote.
Have you ever read the psalms and seen some parallels with your own poems?
I love it that King David was bold in
his petitions and spoke directly to God and he was certainly someone I could
look up to. His psalms are used as prayers by so many. I hope that one day my
prayers will inspire and comfort as well as King David’s.
I often sing hymns and was wondering if
any of your prayer poems would fit some of the well- known hymns, like O God
our Help in Ages Past, Amazing Grace, Tantum Ergo, etc.?
I’m not musically inclined in the
least. You are not the first to mention hymns in relation to my work and I have
written a couple of poems where certain phrases repeat like a refrain to put a
point across strongly, but I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to fit the
prayers to music. Then again, the fact that a person who used to dislike poetry
is writing prayers in that genre is proof of God’s sense of humour. Anything is
possible!
Yes, God makes me laugh too! Can you share some tips
on writing poems?
I have no technical tips to offer
because I don’t pay attention to that stuff. I’d say that writers should do
whatever comes naturally. Poetry is meant to be read aloud, so read yours out
loud and that’s the best way to judge if it works.
So you are a natural! I am so happy you found this
way to talk to Him. Would you share one or two favorite poems?
My favourite prayer is “Sit with Me”.
It has an amazingly soothing effect on me.
SIT WITH ME
Will You sit with me, Father, as I take a break
From the sapping of this world, for renewal’s sake?
Let me reconnect with Your Holy Spirit’s peace
As my tension and weariness find their release.
Join me as I relax in the truth of Your word
And dismiss all the lies the enemy whispered.
Take hold of my hand and remind me of Your love
That looks down on malice and helps me walk above.
Flow into me, Lord, and share the strength that equips
To conquer this world with Your praises on my lips.
Thank you. It is also one of my favorites because my
thoughts turn so often to Him.
What are you working on now?
I’m building another collection. This
one will focus on perspective – seeing things from an angle beyond the obvious.
I have most of the content already but I think I need at least a few more
pieces.
Wonderful! I will look forward to reading them,
Hope.
Any parting words; things you’d like to share?
I hope that my prayers will touch
people and encourage them to move closer to God. The prayers are meant to
travel with you – to be memorized and said and used. But if my words don’t
quite fit what you want to say, open your mouth and talk to God anyway. He’s interested in everything His children
have to say. However, if your audience would like to purchase my collection,
they can do so from Amazon in the Kindle store. And I do appreciate the
support.
I couldn’t agree more. The Lord loves to hear from
us, no matter if they are broken words. Thank you for your time in sharing so
generously. How can people get in touch with you?
Thanks for having me here. People can reach me via e-mail at contact@hopefulliam.com. I would be happy to hear from them.