Chicago...Farewell to My Father

This is the way I first remembered my father and what a long and storied life he's had. He's written his memoirs and I've been privileged to read some early drafts. I visited two years ago to celebrate his 95th birthday but this time, it was time to say goodbye--God be with ye; auf weidersehen--till we see each other again. In heaven, God-willing. We lamented the distance between us--the consequence of transportation (his area of expertise) and laughed about it.

Just a month ago, my stepmother Lena had taken him to physical therapy. It was the last time he walked. He's completely disabled now and the doctors found inoperable cancer in several places, so he's on hospice care at home.

The cats helped me pack :) It was so sad to see him in this state, but especially because he lives in constant pain. Losing autonomy is hard for a man like him who has always been in control of things. It's very humbling. But he's been given a lot of grace to accept things as they are. He is very blessed to have a loving and devoted wife, as well as a caregiver who is truly affectionate and compassionate. They also have a good network of neighbors and friends they can lean on. We had a special evening with live music--one of their neighbors sang beautiful ragas (Indian classical music). My father forgot his pain--his face relaxed. Music is so healing.     

  

I was grateful to have this time together with him and Lena. When my father dozed, Lena and I would chat. One of the most delightful things I discovered was the high-chair that belonged to her as a child. I also found how much Lena loves art--she had pencil and paint sets and beautiful books on Monet, Indian art, and Japanese brush paintings for me to look through. It was good to have this creative outlet, esp. since I'm new to this. At night, I would pray, read, and write. And I was most grateful to have the opportunity to pray the Holy Rosary and Divine Mercy by my father's bedside while he slept in one morning. Such peace! I came across a quote from Elder Ephraim: Be rest assured that as long as God allows you to live it is a guarantee from Him that He is waiting for you (to repent).  May the angels bring him to heaven when he takes his last breath. Please pray for him.

Experimenting with Leaves

For Michael's birthday, we'd gone for barbecue and a brewery. It was such a lovely afternoon sitting in the shade with the cool breeze the entire time. I collected some leaves and have been playing with them. It is fun to paint on them, decoupage them. Their natural markings and texture are a great addition. Tried to capture the view on one leaf, the moment when a flock of egrets took flight. I get a lot of inspiration from other artists and I absolutely loved Madonna of the Bees so I tried my version. Those little black spots on the leaf could be bees! 

Our Lady of Victory

On this Feast of Our Lady, I was so happy to read the daily Gospel from Luke 10:38-42. It is exactly what I needed. 

Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me." The Lord said to her in reply, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her."

And what better way than to pray the Holy Rosary given to St. Dominic. It's like sitting at the feet of Mary as she tells us the greatest story. And it happens to be the most powerful weapon against evil. Our Lady, Queen of Peace, pray for us. 

My Guardian Dear

Happy Feast of Guardian Angels. 

We know each of us has a guardian angel. But how often do we ask for his help? 

The first time I realized my guardian angel was my best hope was when I was scheduled to teach three workshops at a Christian writing conference several hours away by car. I woke up with a horrible migraine and cried as I wondered how I would manage the drive. I did not want to be unprofessional and cancel at the last minute. I cried because there is an element of shame in being chronically ill—I suffer from migraine headaches that can debilitate me for nearly half the days in a month—and I did not want to admit how weak I was. So, I prayed to my angel to bring me safely there and back. 

I still don’t know how I made the long drive. I put on my Rosary CD, and then listened to the Gospel of John, thinking how beautiful it would be to have Jesus upon my heart if I were to die. Not that I wanted to die. My children were still young. My husband would miss me. And I was loving my writing life even more since we had converted to Catholicism. I wanted everybody to have what I had—Jesus! 

And boom! The revelation hit me—my guardian angel isn’t here just to protect me from bodily harm but to make sure I get to Heaven. Heaven! That’s the goal. 

God loves us so much He appoints an angel from the moment of our conception to guard and protect us from all dangers, and to guide us to our eternal home. This awareness, which I’ve had since I was a small child, still astounds me. As a child, I had complete trust in God’s protection. But the problem of suffering, so present in my life, was difficult to reconcile with belief in an omnipotent God. So, at age twelve I lost my faith, and ended my invocations to my guardian angel. But, without my knowledge, my angel was still guiding me. 

I am very thankful to my angel for protecting me from death during my twenties because had I died then, my intellect so clouded by sin, I might have rejected God’s mercy and gone to Hell. It is by the grace of God, and the patience and long-suffering of my guardian angel, that I’ve been able to hear His promptings and return to God, and when my plans derail, to pray “not my will but Thine.” 

I am also returning to that childhood state of complete trust and surrender. If I am anxious about anything, I ask my angel to take care of the situation. I call upon the guardian angels of my children when I’m at the brink of losing my patience. I also call upon the angels of the people to whom I want to be a faithful witness. What a comfort it is to draw upon heavenly assistance. 

Guardian angels carry our prayers and offerings to the throne of God; they come to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass with us, and if we are unable to attend, as it was for many during the pandemic, we can ask our angel to go in our place to praise and adore our blessed Lord. These heavenly creatures are a gift to us. Let us always remember they are watching over us and want us to reach Heaven! Cultivate a relationship with your angel. They are God’s gift to each of us. 

Dear angel! Ever at my side. 

How loving must thou be 

To leave thy home in Heaven 

to guard a guilty wretch like me. 

~ Fr. Frederick William Faber (AD 1814-1863)

This article was published in Shalom Tidings Sept. 2022 issue: https://shalomtidings.org/my-guardian-dear/