This is the way I first remembered my father and what a long and storied life he's had. He's written his memoirs and I've been privileged to read some early drafts. I visited two years ago to celebrate his 95th birthday but this time, it was time to say goodbye--God be with ye; auf weidersehen--till we see each other again. In heaven, God-willing. We lamented the distance between us--the consequence of transportation (his area of expertise) and laughed about it.
Just a month ago, my stepmother Lena had taken him to physical therapy. It was the last time he walked. He's completely disabled now and the doctors found inoperable cancer in several places, so he's on hospice care at home.
The cats helped me pack :) It was so sad to see him in this state, but especially because he lives in constant pain. Losing autonomy is hard for a man like him who has always been in control of things. It's very humbling. But he's been given a lot of grace to accept things as they are. He is very blessed to have a loving and devoted wife, as well as a caregiver who is truly affectionate and compassionate. They also have a good network of neighbors and friends they can lean on. We had a special evening with live music--one of their neighbors sang beautiful ragas (Indian classical music). My father forgot his pain--his face relaxed. Music is so healing.
I was grateful to have this time together with him and Lena. When my father dozed, Lena and I would chat. One of the most delightful things I discovered was the high-chair that belonged to her as a child. I also found how much Lena loves art--she had pencil and paint sets and beautiful books on Monet, Indian art, and Japanese brush paintings for me to look through. It was good to have this creative outlet, esp. since I'm new to this. At night, I would pray, read, and write. And I was most grateful to have the opportunity to pray the Holy Rosary and Divine Mercy by my father's bedside while he slept in one morning. Such peace! I came across a quote from Elder Ephraim: Be rest assured that as long as God allows you to live it is a guarantee from Him that He is waiting for you (to repent). May the angels bring him to heaven when he takes his last breath. Please pray for him.
1 comment:
As always, your family is in my prayers. It is so hard watch a parent go through the loss of independence and battle illness. It doesn't feel like it at the time, but it can be a grace. Peace be with all of you.
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