A few years ago, when the migraines were really, really horrible, and I knew that the risk of dying from an aneurysm very high, I sent a polished copy of BOUND to Nancy Butts. She knew the story and more importantly, had also published a little book for a writer's revival: Spontaneous Combustion. Don't you just love the title? I told her that if I died, to please publish BOUND and send the bill to Michael. I figured he'd have many other things to arrange, like my funeral. I still haven't made an appointment with our pastor about it but Michael knows I want a simple Gregorian chant High Mass.
Yesterday after Mass, I met the widow of a man I've been praying for a couple of years. He was a friend of a friend and although I cannot do many things, I can always pray. It struck me to the core, learning of his death, just a couple of months ago. The family is doing okay. They are so brave. But it warmed my heart to know that he wrote two memoirs, one about growing up, and another of raising their son. What a treasure his words must be for this beautiful family.
I write this so that if you have a project of your heart that you've been sitting on for months or years (as it was in my case) that you evaluate it. If it's good enough, share it. Do not let perfection be the enemy of the good. We are not guaranteed the next day, even our next breath. Carpe diem.
I have so much peace knowing that BOUND is out in the world. If I were to die tomorrow (I'm still at a very high risk for aneurysm), I know I've done my best to bring Rebecca and Joy to you. And I am sure I will hear the words: "well done, good and faithful servant." I did the work; the rest is in God's Hands.
I know how to write. I know how to publish. I still need to learn how to market. I'm taking baby steps. My health is better these days without the monthly cycle (yay manypaws :) I've weaned off the preventative medicines (low dose beta blocker and antidepressant) that I've been taking for more than three years. Pain is easier to manage and when it spirals out of control, I let go of the day's plans and crawl into bed. Having the pets nearby helps. I take a daily supplement that helps with maintaining good brain health (it's got all the vitamins and herbal additives that have shown to help reduce migraines. I've tried several supplements over the years and Migraine Max has given the best results but what a terrible name--they should've called it Migraine Min.)
ETA: A couple of links for pain relief that don't involve taking medicines with all their side effects. I discovered Biofreeze at the chiropractor's last year. The massage therapist would use it on my neck and shoulders. I rub it into my scalp and even my forehead--but you have to be careful not to get any into the eyes. Menthol burns. I bought the biggest bottle I could find and now my whole family uses it for any aches and pains. The other menthol based product is Therapain. It's a spray and it cools the head instantly to reduce the pain. I've also used it on my knees. And I always have a Migrastick in my purse and choir bag. Never leave home without it. Of course, you can always use an old-fashioned ice pack or a bag of frozen peas :)