By now I should know to not have expectations, to simply go with the flow, accept all things as the will of God, right? But it seems I need to learn this lesson over and over again. Sigh. My grand plans for a writing retreat while the family was visiting in WA was not what God had in mind. Instead I spent a lot of time praying while pondering this image that hangs in my office and the words of Jesus to St. Bernard of Clairvaux when he asked what was His greatest unrecorded suffering. Jesus answers, "I had on My Shoulder, while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, a grievous Wound which was more painful that the others and which is not recorded by men. Honor this Wound with thy devotion and I will grant thee whatsoever thou dost ask through its virtue and merit and in regard to all those who shall venerate this Wound, I will remit to them all their venial sins and will no longer remember their mortal sins."
What a powerful promise. So when God gives these opportunities, I take them, albeit reluctantly, but it's only in retrospect I can see how beautiful it is to be able to contemplate. You see, right before we were getting ready to leave, I tripped over Sunny and fell so hard, the breath was knocked out of me. I could only lie there in stunned silence. It hurt to breathe. My knees swelled up. And my shoulder has lost its mobility--it's the only joint in the body that can move in any direction. . After nearly three weeks, it still hurts. No broken bones but a possibly torn rotator cuff. I alternately exercise and rest it. I've learned to do a lot of things with my left hand, including hanging out the wash. I'm thankful I can type with ease. And of course, read :) And right now I'm loving what I'm reading--my own novel that needs a good polish!
Usually writing makes me forget about pain but this time it's different. Maybe the Lord wants me to slow down, take the time to pray more. Perhaps it's the most powerful thing I do. Here's a beautiful prayer, the Memorare, that St. Bernard composed.